Gonna Get'r done.

Welcome to my Health and Fitness blog! Creatively titled Bahama Mama because that's the goal I am working toward. The goal of being fit, in shape, more attractive and a hot bahama mama. Man oh man do I want to fit into a bikini!! So I will try to come and report on my daily fitness progress as often as I can.

My starting weight is 258.6 lbs. There it is. THAT number. Hanging out for all the world to see. Much like my ass when I can't squeeze it into some jeans. Not the worst number, but certainly not the best.

A little background to start off: I have been overweight ALL my life. Not once have I been at healthy weight or a 'normal' weight for my age. I am addicted to food. That's the reason I'm obese, plain and simple. Ice cream, pizza, gyros, fast food, french fries, amp drinks, cappuchino blasts, it all tastes so friggin good! I have a problem controlling my cravings, and I do not know how to eat in moderation because all my life, I have had no problem eating until I was full and even stuffed. Maybe that's because I come from a family who uses food as an excuse to come together, or always says 'it's your own fault if you leave the table hungry' and it's no surprise that everyone in my family is overweight. It's a lifestyle I grew up in, and one that I need to break if I'm going be healthy for once.

For the longest time, I was the depressed fat girl who had few friends, barely spoke, and hated her life. Elementary school through most of high school, I hated my life. Things were a little rocky at home sometimes and I'd turn to food. I just wanted to be a normal girl who had a date to the homecoming dance, who went out shopping with her friends after school, who tried out for volleyball or cheerleading. But because of my weight and insecurities, I came home from school, ate a filling meal, watched t.v., and played video games for the rest of the night---alone. I just wanted to be normal and loose weight, but because of my addiction to food, I would give up and continue to live my sad unhealthy life.

Feshman year I decided to try and do something about it. Slowly I added nightly runs down the block into my schedule. It wasn't much but at least it was something. I had new crushes at school and that fueled my fire to want to be thin and attractive. And the weight did come off. I lost a considerable amount of weight, but I was still a big girl and I didn't like it. The teasing and nicknames cntinued to haunt me and I was constantly depressed. I thought high school was gonna be different. That kids were gonna act more mature and leave me alone for once. I hated that no one wanted to be friends with the fat girl. I hated that I starved myself at lunch because I didn't want anyone to see me eat. I hated that I got tired after climbing a single flight of stairs and that I would arrive to class all sweaty. I hated that we had to do that stupid shuttle run test in front of our entire gym class and people whispered as I huffed and puffed my fat ass across the gym to pick up those erasers. It was hell and I wanted out.

Then we moved to Lansing and everything changed. As if my life wasn't crap enough I was thrust into a brand new school, had to make new friends, and figure out how live life as invisably as possible. But I never ever EVER expected to meet Derek Young. This is where I get all goo-goo-eyed and lovey talking about him, so I appologize in advance.

He was the cutest boy in class. The class clown. The confident, cocky, smart-ass student, and I just thought he was the finest thang I had ever seen. LOL. We slowly built up our friendship, thanks in large part to him and his casual conversation skills. I absolutely adored him, but knew that he could never "like" me back. He started coming over to my house and I shyly talked with him and watched t.v. with him, but I'd never let him see me eat; even if it was my favorite meal. I would starve myself and happily watch him eat delicious homemade spaghetti. He was the nicest boy I had ever met. Well at least the nicest towards me. We grew to become best friends, I fell in love with him, and slowly but surely tried transforming myself into a girl in hopes that he would have some feelings for me. I started exercising again, ate better and fought for his heart. And he sure did fall hard for me.

I couldn't believe that I had my first boyfriend. That I kissed someone! All those times I sat crying watching A Walk to Remember wishing I had a boyfriend, and someone who cared about me more than anything all seemed so distant. Here I was, 250 pounds, with a boyfriend who actually liked the way I looked, and even more so admired my shy personality. He changed me. In the 2 years we were frst dating, I shed 50 pounds, fighting to lose weight to fit into a beautiful prom dress. YES! I was a girl who did girly things and had a date to a dance! I was so happy. The happiest I've ever been in my life. Then once prom was over, we got cozy with each other, staying in instead of going out. Going to olive garden instead of have dinner with the family. I loved my big man of a boyfriend, and I was proud to be the full figured woman he wanted. And all the weight began to come on again.

And I don't even want to talk about the 'freshman fifteen'.

So there you go and here I stand. Still overweight though much less unhappy. Now instead of looking forward to getting a boyfriend and going to school dances I can think about having a nice body for myself, for him, for graduation, finding a job, getting married and so on and so forth. I am really determined now, and if remember all that i've just confessed doesn't make me want to get my but into gear, I don't know what will. I know it's hard but I can do it. My goals are to try and lose 100 pounds in a year, and to finally be happy for once. That's 2 pounds a week! Very realistic.

This is where I ask for support, and guidance and reassurance because it's hard for me to keep a rountine down. If i have someone pushing me, I'll push myself. I invite you to join me on this journey to a better life because we could all use a little help sometimes and I will openly give it my all.