Being very very bad.

So I have gotten back to that point where I am smuggling and hiding food in my room. Part of me says its because my brother will eat it all, and part of me just wants to have access to food that is all mine. Sorry for not posting on the blog topics, I'm not the only one who hasn't committed it seems. I am afraid to weigh myself, and I am very embarassed to admit what I have eaten lately. I just need to STOP. Seriously, or i am going to die. today is february 26th, so very conveniently, march 1st rolls around on a monday. I am not going to necessarily start on that day and say, look, im finally gonna start because everytime i say that it NEVER happens. so, this weekend, i will try and gear myself up in preparation for hardcore dieting and exercising monday. I plan to cut my calories to 1500 a day maximum, eat 3 square meals and snacks in between. I absolutely CANNOT eat after 9 p.m. because that's a major issue. I will also not be eating while watching tv, and will cut back on tv in general. unless im folding laundry or waiting to go to work or something, the tv will not be on. I will only get a maximum of 8 hours a day, including weekends. I MUST eat breakfast everyday.
As far as working out goes, i want to try and burn at least 500 calories a day, however long that takes me or what i have to do, it doesnt matter as long as i get it done. Also I would like to work on other litle things, like writing when im bored instead of watching tv or playing games. I want to work on my posture. I want to work on my language and try not to be so vulgar or unladylike all the time. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am giving up my amp. Cutting back on sugar and sweets and punching temptation in the face. Goodbye pints, hello sugar free jello.
i seriously am going to get my shit together. I am so irritated that i let myself keep slacking and that i've let this go on for so long. it's the hardest thing to do. I did it before, and i can do it again. Listen up fat, you can seriously S my D!!!!!!!!

Unhealthy heart.

so I just worked out. I am sweaty and feel very proud of myself. But today I don't feel well at all. Today, I don't know exactly when, I noticed that my heart has been skipping and jumping. I can actually feel it flutter in my chest and it scares me. I looked online and read about arrythmia and its most of the time quite harmless, but it can also be a sign of heart disease. I know my heart isn't healthy because I eat bad stuff, but I don't want to have heart disease. I ruled out caffeine because I haven't had any today. I stayed away from sugar and I got enough sleep last night. I'm not too stressed out so I don't know what it could be. I did have mcdonalds last night for the first time in a while, so maybe the cholesterol and sodium is kicking me in the heart today. It's just not comforting knowing that your heart isn't behaving the way it should be. Maybe I'm just having an off day. I won't stress it because if I do it won't get any better. A wake up call? I think so!

My Support Group!

My support group is very important to me. We meet every tuesdays and thursdays, dressed in various character costumes. We talk like pirates and laugh like crazy chocolatiers, and we confess our obsessions and gush over look-a-likes we may see passing on the street. We call ourselves inDepply obsessed.

Oh, you meant my workout support group??

Don't really have one. I mean I get a 'good job' comment every once in a while from the parentals, and some 'likes' on facebook when I post my status about working out, but I don't really have a support group. I never really needed one. I think there's a difference between a support group and just people who motivate you.

I am a youtuber, and I am always searching before and after videos fo people who have lost weight. I frequently come across members who have posted weight loss video diaries and those are inspirational as well. Heres a video from a guy named Shay Carl. He is really funny and I thought this would be fun to share :) Just click on the link. You may or may not like it so if you do, that's awesome :)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSqiQQHkeWE