May 5, 2013

Welcome to the start of new beginnings! I have decided to finally start up my blog again and will complete an entry after every workout. This way I will always remember to do it.
The past year has been full of change and stress and many busy things. I have been working two jobs for the past year and have attended school full time. Needless to say, it has taken its toll on me. I have gained about 30lbs in the last year alone, ever since I stopped working at the animal hospital and took on a sedentary job. I have become lazy and frump girl again and am frankly ashamed of myself. There's no excuse for what I have done, I'm just providing reasons why it happened.
So now that I am officially graduating on May 19th from Purdue University, I will have free time to get my ass in gear. Weight loss is going to be my main priority and with strong perseverance and hard work, I can do it.
Something in me just clicked today. And I don't know why or what or how it happened but it did. I am tired of living my life 50% and I want to experience everything to the fullest. I am only 22 and I feel older than that.
My current weight is 275lbs as of yesterday. I haven't been this heavy since Freshman year of high school which was eight years ago. I regret the actions I have taked to get me here, but I am striving to move forward and not look back.
Oh, and did I mention I am getting married in 5 months to the most incredible man I have ever met? My goal is to be able to fit in my wedding dress by August, so that I will have time to have any necessary alterations done. I'd say I have to lose at least 50 lbs in order for this to happen. Ideall however, I'd like to get down to 200lbs to start, and then break on through after that.
So there are approximately 90 days until we reach August. If I want to lose the full 75lbs, I have to lose an average of .88lbs per day or 6 lbs a week. If I want to lose the 50 lbs, I have to lose an average of .55lbs per day or 4 lbs a week. So I am going to try and strive for 5lbs a week.
I know I can do this, I have done it before. Now I just need to be committed. I love my life and love myself, just not the body I am in. It's time to change. Wedding dress...here I come.

It is time.

Ha, I sound like Rafikki from The Lion King. But seriously. It is time to get my butt in gear. Today I had some really bad abdominal pain and it made me feel so overweight because it hurt to try and suck in my stomach. So gross. My friend Jenille and I are going to organize a workout plan and write down our weight loss goals. I need to get started and need someone to hold me accountable to keep going. I can workout fine, but when it comes to repetition and eating right, that's where I fall short. Tonight we are going out for pizza since Chris is coming back home, but hey, it's okay to celebrate I think. I just want to be beautiful and healthy. I want to be happy and outgoing. Shaycarl from Youtube has really inspired me to get going. He lost 85lbs in just a few months and now he's addicted to working out. I want that to be me! Hopefully this awful stomach cramping will go away. I want to start living my life.

Here's what I ate today:

Breakfast: 2 pieces wheat toast, 1 package instant oatmeal, 1 cup cranberry juice
Lunch: healthychoice chicken tortilla soup
Snack: popcorn
Dinner: PIZZZAAA!!
Misc: lemonade

Tuesday

Today was a short, exhausting day. I didn't have much time to work out this evening as I had homework to do, but I still ran 1 mile, and did arms and abs. I'm not working out as long as I would like to, but at least I'm doing it. That's the first step. I need to gradually get back into it, otherwise I'm going to hate it and resent doing it every night. I'm going to bed, I'm exhausted. I may or may not workout tomorrow as I have hospice volunteer work and its my day off so I like to relax for a while.

Breakfast: cereal with milk.
Lunch: PBJ sandwich, 2 graham crackers, 4 fat free marshmallows, 1 fun size hershey bar
Snack: multigrain cheerios
Dinner: Meatloaf and perogies.
Water to drink.

Monday

I did workout today. I walked on the treadmill and then decided to kick into high gear and ran the rest of that mile. I'm tired today. Not used to getting up early after a relaxing weekend. I ate poorly today, too much, full of fat, shameful. I'm embarrassed. Haven't lost any weight yet, we'll see after tomorrow. I've gained enough this weekend to where it should be relatively easy to get it off again. I ran 1 mile, did 3 miles on the bike and burned about 300 calories. I did some arms and abs also while watching Blood Ties. The gorgeous Henry Fitzroy inspires me to be skinny, or at least his abs do ;) Alas, it is bed time, and I shall post again tomorrow.

Breakfast: cereal w/ milk
Lunch: 2 fried egg sandwiches, water to drink
Snack: PBJ sandwich, water to drink
Dinner: KFC (chicken, biscuit, mashes potatoes w/ gravy, mac n cheese) water to drink
Other: fun size candy (M&M, snickers, Twix), zero calorie gatorade, 5 calorie diet cranapple juice

I'll start Monday

Today was better than yesterday as I had predicted. After I posted I went right downstairs for a fit of dancing and it made me happy. I worked today and went to school, and I'm thinking that if I just continue my regular schedule the rest of the week, I should be fine. Friday morning I will get up early and workout, go get my liscence redone, do some cleaning, pick up Hannah, and it's off to Eastern to see Derek. I really miss him. It sucks being in a long(ish) distance relationship. I wish he was here so we could lose weight together and motivate each other. It's hard to be doing this alone. Anyway I lost a pound since yesterday, but MONDAY I will get started, back in the swing of things. Workouts at night, light dinner after work, burn 500 cals each workout, Mon, Tues, Thurs, Fri, Sat. and every other Sun. 

Here's What I ate today:

cereal with milk

spaghetti with meat sauce, 2 pieces bread w/ butter, coke zero

3 eggs, 3 pieces sausage, 2 pieces toast, diet cranberry juice,

ice cream

Things I'm giving up: Ice Cream, Pizza, Cheese, Chips

Square One?

................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Don't even know what to say. I'm so mad at myself for allowing myself to be lazy again and give up so easily. I was posting everyday, making videos every week, actually enjoying working out, and now I feel worthless again. I want to cover up all the mirrors I come across because I can't stand looking at myself. I don't see anything good, and I know that's just my unhappiness talking. I just need to get back out there and do it. No excuses. See right now I have my workout clothes on, but I'm fighting with myself because I need to study for a test, do my laundry, clean the kitchen, and still want time to relax, and I know that if I work out, I will be forfeiting that relaxation time. Fuck it. I'm just gonna do it. Just gonna get my fat, lazy butt up and run on the tredmill until I'm gasping for air. At least then I'll feel as if I accomplished something for once in my life.

Here's what I ate today: cereal with milk
                                   PBJ sandwich, popcorn, ice cream, coke zero,
                                   salad with french dressing and croutons, spaghetti with meat, seagrams wine cooler

........tomorrow will be a better day. I'm committing to weighing in everyday and posting/working out. even if it kills me...
This morning I weighed 244.8

Fourth of July weekend!

Hello again all, happy 3 day weekend to each of you. Monday is July 4th and I'm getting a little nervous. The last time we had a family get-together was for mother's day and there were so many delicious foods and desserts that I ate badly. There hasn't been a holiday or event to go to since I've started dieting so this weekend will definitely be a challenge for me in terms of fighting against cravings. I'll have to really kick some ass today after work with my workout as I've already gained 3 lbs this week. It sucks but i'm gonna try really hard this weekend to get back to where I was before. I won't care if I don't lose any weight, but I want to get those 3 lbs off and back to where I was before.
Tonight Derek, the parentals, and I are going to Valpo for some music/fireworks event. It should be cool. Who doesn't love fireworks? My dog...that's for sure...
Afterward we plan on coming back to the house and might drink a little. We will see though. I am nervous about that too as drinking makes you bloated and there are a lot of calories in liquor. It's summertime and I want to live a little, but I don't want to lose everything I've worked for so far. It'll be okay I think. Happy 4th!