New year, new attempt.

Today is Jan. 23rd, 2011, 8:00 p.m., that time of night on a Sunday when I reflect on what I did this weekend, what I didn't do, and what I should've done instead.

Last night I laid my sansa fuze to rest after some ridiculous malfunction that I undoubtedly made worse. I also purchased a new mp3 player, some phillips something or other, 8 gigs. This time I was smart and bought a 3 year warranty.

We had burgers for dinner tonight, homemade ground beef ones, with cheese and everything else that belongs on a murdered cow between a bun. It wasn't healthy. And then there was chili cheese dip in celebration of a Bears game that didn't go well.

I layed on/in my bed for about 14 hours today. That's terrible. Playing games, sleeping, being lazy.

I look at myself in the mirror and I see chub. I see tiny eyes drowning in a round furry face stamped with a small, fake smile. I move my mouth and see cheeks blob up and down, weighing my words and smiles. I see deep pores, crammed with dirt, dry unhealthy skin. I look down at my hands, chubby chin protesting (also furry) and frown at my sausage fingers. I feel my belly pushed against the desk as I type this evening blog. I look back in the mirror, take it all in and wonder what the hell is wrong with me? To be in this physical state for so many years and not do anything about it?

I'm too embarassed to continue.

Title

Breakfast: Nothing :(


Lunch: bologna and cheese sandwich, mayo. 1 pretzel rod, bagel chips with ranch dip. fudge bar

apple cider

Dinner: 1 can progresso soup, 2 pieces of bread w/ butter. water (160+105+0=265)

Now I may or may not workout tonight! But I should because derek is coming home tomorrow and I really won't want to then.

246.8

Title.

Breakfast: bowl of captain crunch
lunch: 2 hotdogs on bread, cheese ketchup relish. 2 drumsticks, skin on. 1/2 glass of apple cider
dinner: bowl of salad, plate of hamburger helper. 4 cups worth. 1 glass of apple cider
misc: 2 sweetarts, 1 reesee cup

Wkout: 1 mile, 10mins45secs
3mins stepping
105 crunches.
30+30+30=arms
248.8

goodnight.

New routine.

Update: I have a new job where I work 20+ hrs. a week, go to school full time, study and do homework, and have a kid. Well, a dog, but she feels like my kid. Where in this do I have time to workout? I don't really. But I'm finding a way now. Now I am going to workout at least 3 nights a week, and write down everything I eat every day. I have not weighed myself recently. And I don't want to. I know I am fat, and I don't need a number to verify that. I feel like a blob, and instead of looking at a number that can fluctuate for a lot of different reasons, I am going to get in tune with my body and look for the signs that I am getting healthier. Weighing in is too stressful. So aside from the few handfuls of M&M's I scarfed down, what else did I eat today?
Bkfst: 1 glass of apple juice, 2 mini bagels w/ cream cheese, and a handfull of grapes
lunch: 1 5 layer beefy burrito and 1 bag of doritos from Taco Bell, with a 'medium' Baja Blast Mountain Dew
dinner: 2 hotdogs with buns, ketchup, relish, handful of chips. Diet pepsi

So that is a normal amount of food, but just looking at that, there's a lot of calories and fat in there. I am feeling really weird lately, and I feel like my life is passing me by. I want to be thin and live it. I am only 20 for pete's sake. Sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Keeping up

Much to my surprise, I didn't gain any weight this weekend. I went to the movies, (did not eat/drink anything) had an entire pizza, pie, burgers, and didn't count my points/calories and I have maintained my weight. It's incredible. I am newly inspired to workout extra hard today. I'm going to go running later tonight with Mike, and also run when my brother wakes up. I am feeling very positive today, and I think it's safe to say goodbye to the 250's.

Worked myself sick!

So Friday was a terrible day. I felt awful and didn't workout. I left work early and ate an entire thin crust pizza by myself. 1200 calories downed in about 30 minutes. BAD BAD BAD. I didn't count my calories this whole weekend and ended up gaining 5 pounds. Ugh. But at least I know how to get the weight off. So tomorrow I am going to regroup, and try to repeat the mini goal of running 10 miles this week. I didn't succeed this week b/c of being sick, so If I start earlier and give myself a day off in the middle of the week, I can achieve my goal! I am excited to get back on track and those pounds are just going to melt right off! I'm gonna be on my way to smokin' when Derek comes home, and I hope he is as proud of what I've accomplished as I am. :)

Weight watchers day 3/4

I'm exhausted. I am so sore and aching and I can barely keep my eyes open. I haven't lost any more weight and I'm getting irritated. If anything I've gained a pound. I have done 6/10 miles and I need to finish by Sunday. Today though, I really don't  feel like running. I'm thinking today I'm just gonna take it easy and take the day off from running. I'm really tired and I don't want to stress myself. My eating is just fine, and it's been 1 week since my last fast food run, lol.  I'm just gonna take a nap and relax before work. If I feel better later, I will do my 2 miles, but if I don't, I'm taking it easy and playin sims.